Civility and authenticity are not mutually exclusive.
I recently came across a BBC series from 1969 called Civilisation: A Personal View by Kenneth Clark. It’s presented by art historian Sir Kenneth Clark and explores Western art, philosophy, and cultural history. The series covers over two thousand years, from the fall of the Roman Empire to the mid-20th century. Clark takes viewers through architecture, sculpture, painting, literature, music, and philosophy, showing how these achievements shaped Western civilization. In a time when Western culture is often criticized, it’s refreshing to look at its contributions.
In the final episode, Clark shares his thoughts on order, forgiveness, and human sympathy. He believes in the power of history to teach us, and in courtesy as a way to avoid hurting others. His closing remarks highlight the importance of individuals with God-given genius, and how Western civilization has been a series of rebirths—despite setbacks. He warns, though, that a lack of confidence in our values can destroy a civilization just as much as war or chaos.
The following is what he said.
At this point I reveal myself in my true colours as a stick-in-the-mud! I hold a number of beliefs that have been repudiated by the liveliest intellects of our time: I believe that order is better than chaos Creation better than destruction. I prefer gentleness to violence; forgiveness to vendetta. On the whole I think that knowledge is preferable to ignorance, and I am sure that human sympathy is more valuable than ideology. I believe that in spite of recent triumphs of science men haven't changed much in the last two thousand years and in consequence, we must still try to learn from history: History is ourselves.
I also hold one or two beliefs that are more difficult to put shortly: For example, I believe in courtesy - the ritual by which we avoid hurting other people's feelings by satisfying our own egos And I think we should remember that we are part of a great whole - which for convenience we call Nature - All living things are our brothers and sisters. Above all I believe in the God-given genius of certain individuals and I value a society that makes their existence possible.
These programmes have been filled with great work of genius: in architecture, sculpture and painting, in philosophy, poetry and music; in science and engineering There they are - you can't dismiss them and they're only a fraction of what Western man has achieved in the last 1000 years - often after setbacks and deviations at least as destructive as those of our own time. Western Civilisation has been a series of rebirths. Surely, this should give us confidence in ourselves. I said at the beginning of the series that it's lack of confidence more than anything else that kills a civilisation: we can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion, just as effectively as by bombs. Fifty years ago, W.B. Yeats who was more like a man of genius than anyone I've ever known… wrote a prophetic poem - and in it he said: "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world. The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity." Well, that was certainly true between the wars - and it damn nearly destroyed us. Is it true today? - Not quite because good people have convictions - rather too many of them. The trouble is that there is still no centre. The moral and intellectual failure of Marxism has left us with no alternative to heroic materialism and that isn't enough. One may be optimistic but one can't exactly be joyful at the prospect before us.
Lord Kenneth Clark
Clark’s words made me think about courtesy and authenticity. Somewhere along the way, some Baby Boomers and Generation X pushed the idea that being polite was inauthentic, and that authenticity was everything. But I’ve come to see that society needs civility to function. I’ve shifted my mindset from “Be authentic, no matter who it hurts” to “Be your best, most courteous self.” I regret the times I was rude in the name of being “real.” Civility and authenticity can coexist. You can be both genuine and polite—both are necessary in a world that too often values feelings over respect. And maybe it is time for Gen X's second act.