"We tend to think we learn fear; but that isn't true, fear's there and you learn security."
I'm learning about the power of putting pen to paper. In this video Jordan Peterson tells the story of James Pennebaker, a psychologist, who experimented with the idea that expressing emotion about past troubles could heal you. Students wrote about their worst experiences or mundane events, and those who confronted their past demons were doing much better months later. But it wasn't just getting emotions out; it was understanding and comprehending what happened that made the difference.
He goes on to share a story of a client who, as a four-year-old, was assaulted by her six-year-old brother. At 29, she still saw herself as vulnerable. I asked her to consider that they were just two unsupervised children, which shifted her perspective. It's weird, right? She walked out with a different memory, but maybe a more accurate one. Memory isn't just facts; it's about understanding and learning to navigate life.
Another man contacted Peterson, haunted by memories of high school bullies, filled with rage and shame. Why can't he let go? It's because the past won't let him go. When we're haunted by negative memories, it's because we still have things to learn from them. Just like a kid sticking close to their mom on the playground, fear is natural, but we can learn security through understanding.
So, if old memories haunt you, write them down, make sense of them, and let yourself learn from the past to better navigate the future.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the past, about memories, and how they shape us. You know, we all have our own versions of our past, colored by emotions, perceptions, and the foggy lens of time. Like a popular song, in a way the meaning can hit us differently at different times in our life.
I've been pondering this idea, that we remember things the way they felt, not necessarily as they were. It's a beautiful, yet terrifying thought. It's like we're all walking around with these distorted mirrors in our heads, reflecting back not the reality, but our own interpretation of it.
I want to live in reality. I want to face as many hard truths as I can stand. What if we could ground ourselves in the reality of the past? What if we could hold onto the tangible, the verifiable, the real? I've been thinking about this, and I've come up with an idea. It's not perfect, but it's a start.
I stumbled on this idea after finding this web site: https://www.concertarchives.org and looking up concerts I remember going to, but maybe they didn't happen exactly when I remembered, or in the venue I thought they did.
I've started documenting all the data points of my life. I'm talking about facts you can look up and verify; all the former addresses, the times I lived there, the rent I paid. I'm talking about all the jobs I've worked, with dates, wages and addresses. I'm talking about the dates and locations of significant events, like concerts or trips.
It's like creating a map of my life, a timeline grounded in reality. It's a way to answer questions like, "Was I as poor as I remember, or did I just feel poor?" or "How long was that relationship really? Did is last as long as I remember it?" It's a way to look back and see the reality, not just the emotion. Not so much a journal. A journal is still a real time recollection of emotional events. I am talking about locations and dates that can be verified online, which I hope will create a framework of reality that the emotion does not conform to.
The more data points I fill in, the more enlightening it is. It's like looking at your reflection in a clear, still pond, instead of a distorted mirror. It's a way to see yourself as you really were, not just as you remember. Significant events that were closer or farther apart than you remember them to be can shape the way you see them.
I have in mind to take all this data, all these facts and figures, and I've assembled them into a personal database. It's like a reference book of my life, a constant reminder of where I've been and what I've done.
Now, when I ask myself, "How much money did I earn in 2010?" or "When was that Pearl Jam concert I went to?" I don't have to rely on my memory. I can look it up. I can see the reality, not just the memory.
It's a strange feeling, to be sure. It's like listening to a song you wrote years ago, and realizing the lyrics aren't what you remember. But it's also liberating. It's a way to free yourself from the distortions of memory, and see yourself as you really were.
I'm not saying it's for everyone, but it's been a journey for me, a journey through my data points, a journey through my past. And I think I'm starting to see myself a little more clearly.
So here's to the past, to the reality, to the data points. Here's to seeing ourselves as we really are, not just as we remember. Here's to the journey, and to the song that's still being written.
I have been appreciating both of these creators for some time. So when they started a back and forth debate, I was excited to hear what they had to say. I think I learn more hearing for both sides of a well articulated argument than so many other situations.
One: A Question Protestants Can't Answer.
Two: Yep, I have an Answer
Three: Responding to Dr. Gavin Ortland
As much as I love books, you are still only hearing one argument. When you listen to a thoughtful debate, you get to have a balanced view and then draw your own conclusions.
This video from two years ago in which Dr. Gavin Ortland is one of the videos I appreciated his content the most. The way he embraced his own faith deconstruction with honesty and integrity was and is inspiring to me.
These books are some of the most transformative and helpful in regard to how I approach work and life.
Business Made Simple by Donald Miller
Business Made Simple By Donald Miller
Business Made Simple is a book written by Donald Miller, a best-selling author, entrepreneur, and business coach. In the book, Miller provides practical guidance and advice for business owners and entrepreneurs on how to grow and succeed in their businesses.
The book is divided into three main sections:
Building a Story
Building a Team
Building a Movement.
In the first section, Miller discusses the importance of storytelling in business and how to craft a compelling narrative that will help you connect with your customers and build a strong brand. He also covers how to identify and target your ideal customer, as well as how to create a marketing plan and sales funnel.
In the second section, Miller focuses on building a strong team and creating a culture of excellence within your organization. He discusses how to hire the right people, how to motivate and retain top talent, and how to develop effective leadership skills.
Finally, in the third section, Miller talks about how to turn your business into a movement and create a passionate community of customers and supporters. He covers topics such as how to create a customer experience that stands out, how to build a loyal following, and how to use social media to connect with your audience and create a movement.
Overall, Business Made Simple is a comprehensive and practical guide that provides valuable insights and strategies for anyone looking to start or grow a business.
Business Made Simple is one of my very favorite Business Books I have read. It identifies a framework for the crucial elements for helping a business as well as a driven employee to survive and thrive. I would recommend this book to almost any employee or business owner.
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Atomic Habit by James Clear
Atomic Habits is a book written by James Clear, a productivity expert and best-selling author. In the book, Clear discusses the concept of "atomic habits," or small and incremental changes to your daily routine that can have a significant impact on your overall success and happiness.
Clear argues that the key to lasting change is not about motivation or willpower, but about building good habits and breaking bad ones. He provides a four-step framework for building good habits and breaking bad ones:
Cue
Craving
Response
Reward
By understanding how these elements work together, you can create a positive feedback loop that reinforces good habits and breaks bad ones.
Clear also covers topics such as how to create an identity that aligns with your goals, how to use visualization and other mental strategies to stay motivated, and how to create an environment that supports your habits.
Atomic Habits is a super practical and actionable guide that provides insights and strategies for building good habits, breaking bad ones, and achieving lasting change in your personal and professional life.
Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don't Hardcover by Jim Collins
Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don't is a book written by Jim Collins, a management consultant and business researcher. In the book, Collins and his team of researchers set out to identify the characteristics that distinguish great companies from good ones.
To do this, Collins and his team conducted a comprehensive study of 1,435 companies over a period of 35 years. They identified 11 companies that made the leap from good to great, and compared them to a control group of similar companies that did not make the leap.
The key findings of the study were that great companies:
Have a clear, compelling vision and set of values that are embraced by all employees.
Have strong, visionary leadership that is able to inspire and align the efforts of the team towards a common goal.
Focus on a few key priorities and ruthlessly eliminate distractions and activities that do not contribute to the company's mission.
Build a culture of discipline and accountability, with a focus on continuous improvement and learning.
Invest in the development of their people, and create an environment where employees are able to take risks and learn from their mistakes.
One thing I love about this book, is that it was clear that the researchers wanted to challenge their own assumptions. For example: They recognized that there is a cultural narrative that says that a great company needs a charismatic leader. Their bias was that this was not the case. That a great company could evolve without that. And while that was certainly not the only essential ingredient of a great company, it was one of them.
Show Your Work! is a book written by Austin Kleon, a best-selling author and artist. In the book, Kleon discusses the importance of sharing your work and ideas with others, and how doing so can help you connect with a wider audience, build a personal brand, and find success in your field.
This book helped me see the value of documenting the process of learning. I started this blog partially as a result of reading it. I have had this domain for several years, it has long been a place of experiments and doodles of sorts. But I think it's time to turn it into something more. It's time.
Kleon provides 10 practical tips for sharing your work and ideas, including:
Share something small every day.
Share something personal.
Share something that shows your process.
Share something that shows your influences.
Share something that shows your personality.
Share something that shows your values.
Share something that's finished.
Share something that's unfinished.
Share something that's not your best work.
Share something that you're learning.
Throughout the book, Kleon provides examples and stories from his own experiences and those of other creatives who have successfully used these strategies to share their work and build a following. He also covers topics such as how to find your voice and authenticity as an artist, how to collaborate with others, and how to use social media and other online tools to share your work.
The idea is to create a living document of what I believe to be true. To make a case for it even. To allow it to be confronted and shot down or dismissed. I have no dreams of becoming a professional writer, the world seems to have enough of those. I am convinced that there is value in learning to write well. That doing so, will allow you to be a better thinker, which in turn will help you be a better do-er.
I have also been reading about the difference between writing an Essay as opposed to other forms of writing. (more to come on that topic in a future post). A good Essay has to be able to organize your thoughts around a single idea and make a convincing argument that can stand up to scrutiny. That is something I am very interested in learning to do well. In our modern age, it seems mandatory. It's that or be the victim of lazy thinking.
I have decided to create content here. This is not social media, but rather, my little corner of the internet. I assume no one will read it, and that's ok, maybe for now, I even prefer it that way. This is more a challenge to my self to try to document the all of the things I love and the things I am learning and make a case for the things I am learning.
I've also decided that I am going to do it even if I do it badly. I am going to try to kill the perfectionist in me and publish it warts and all. This is a space to "document the journey" rather than pubish some amazing work.
Overall, Show Your Work! is a practical and inspiring guide that provides valuable insights and strategies for anyone looking to share their work and ideas with others and build a personal brand, and I highly recommend this book.
