"We tend to think we learn fear; but that isn't true, fear's there and you learn security."
I'm learning about the power of putting pen to paper. In this video Jordan Peterson tells the story of James Pennebaker, a psychologist, who experimented with the idea that expressing emotion about past troubles could heal you. Students wrote about their worst experiences or mundane events, and those who confronted their past demons were doing much better months later. But it wasn't just getting emotions out; it was understanding and comprehending what happened that made the difference.
He goes on to share a story of a client who, as a four-year-old, was assaulted by her six-year-old brother. At 29, she still saw herself as vulnerable. I asked her to consider that they were just two unsupervised children, which shifted her perspective. It's weird, right? She walked out with a different memory, but maybe a more accurate one. Memory isn't just facts; it's about understanding and learning to navigate life.
Another man contacted Peterson, haunted by memories of high school bullies, filled with rage and shame. Why can't he let go? It's because the past won't let him go. When we're haunted by negative memories, it's because we still have things to learn from them. Just like a kid sticking close to their mom on the playground, fear is natural, but we can learn security through understanding.
So, if old memories haunt you, write them down, make sense of them, and let yourself learn from the past to better navigate the future.
I've been thinking a lot about writing lately, and I have realized just how much of what a fundamental skill it is. Because, as stated above, "writing is thinking formalized". If you want to take action on anything that requires contribution from others, words are required before you take any action.
I've realized that I use to be dismissive of words, "Words are empty" I thought, "Take action!" I wanted to be a doer, a builder. I have always wanted to be someone who got things done. But I've come to realize that you can only take action without words when you are working in isolation. But even then, you must convince yourself to take action.
Here's Why Writing is Important
So, in order to have words that convince others to take action with you; to follow you. You must have a well articulated vision of what it is that you want to do, why it must be done. But we often want to skip over that part. I have often taken action alone, assuming others would see my efforts and join in. This assumes they understand why you are taking action, and what problem you are trying to solve. It also leaves you irritated when they don't. This approach is immature. Often, the problems we see in the world are our burden to solve because we see them. I've come to believe that the problems we see so clearly, the ones that make us angry even at the injustice are calling to us to solve them, which often means, rallying others to solve them with us.
At my job we review projects and decide which projects are the most important at the given time. I've realized over the years that it is actually not the most important projects that get worked on. It is not the easy ones, and it is not the hard ones. The projects that get worked on every time are the ones that the decision makers have the most clarity about. So, it is the projects that are the most well articulated. This often frustrates the engineer types, as they find it baffling, that a project, that in their minds is a waste of time would get any effort at all would get the whole team behind it to execute it successfully. So as I have realized the connection between thinking, writing, and speaking, and thus leading; I have realized I have to learn to write better. Which is another reason I have started this blog.
And the more I dig into writing and how it can help me become a better man, or help me develop, the more I discover other things writing has the power to do.
Writing has the ability to help you move through and get over traumatic experiences. In the video above they talk about Dr. James Pennebaker who has studied the idea of using writing as a method for recovering from emotional wounds. But there is a specific process at play here, it is not just about journaling endlessly about a painful event. Rather you are employing these steps:
Write down everything you can remember about the traumatic event, you organize it, reduce it, and make it clear. This will initially make you feel worse, because you are remembering the emotions of the event.
Then you weave it into a narrative where you are identifying the positive things about having endured the event, not to minimize the negatives but to highlight in what way did this event make you a better person. You can then begin to remove the emotion from the event.
The other part about writing I am trying to learn and understand, is this idea of writing an essay. As a way to make an argument for something.
"An essay is a relatively short piece of writing on a particular topic. However, the word essay also means attempt or try. An essay is, therefore, a short piece written by someone attempting to explore a topic or answer a question."
Writing an essay is not something I have thought about since being in school. And it is not something I have been dying to explore. But as we see our world seemingly become more and more divided by the day, one thing seems clear, we have lost our ability to debate. Which means we have lost the ability to make a coherent argument with someone as well has allow ourselves to be convinced when someone makes a reasonable and coherent argument for a belief we hold closely. I believe that by learning to write a good essay, we become more formidable foes and are not suckered in to every time someone claims the sky is falling, or worse, convinces us, that a terrible tragedy is not happening when indeed it is.
So then, writing as essay and doing it well, can help you convince others to right injustices in the world, or help you make the argument for a raise. If writing can help you do those things and help you move past the wounds of life; those are powerful arguments for learning to write well.
